Bring back the passion from the early days of your relationship with these expert tips.
Reignite your spark
by Amanda MacMillanThere are lots of great things about being in a long-term relationship: Research shows that happy couples, in many ways, have better health and overall wellbeing than their single or divorced peers. After all, a loving partner can offer companionship, comfort, and physical and emotional support when you need it.
But after years of marriage or dating, a significant other can start to feel more like a roommate than a romantic partner. Maybe you've grown apart, you're busy with work and kids, or the spark's just not there anymore. For whatever reason you've found yourself falling out of love, here's how the experts suggest you find your way back in.
Be more touchy-feely
"Long-term couples don't touch enough," says Wendy Walsh, clinical psychologist and founder of AskALoveGuru.com,
a site that matches relationship therapists with potential clients.
"When we touch—especially skin-to-skin—we get a little rush of the brain
chemicals that help trigger those loving feelings." Think about how
often you and your partner actually share physical contact on a daily
basis. If it's just a quick peck on the lips before and after work, make
an effort to step up your game, says Walsh. She cites research showing
that a 20-second hug can trigger a significant oxytocin release.
"Most married couples hug for three seconds or less," she says. "So I
advise them, two to three times a day, to stop what they're doing and
hold a long, calm embrace. It can change your biochemistry, and you'll
begin to bond again."
Sleep closer together
That same rush of brain chemicals can also come from physical contact in bed—and not just during sex, either. Sleeping skin-to-skin, whether it's full-on spooning or even just touching toes, can have relationship benefits, too. In fact, a 2014 survey presented at the Edinburgh International Science Festival found that couples who slept the closest to each other reported having more relationship satisfaction. "Of course we don't know if sleeping apart causes dissatisfaction or if happier couples simply sleep closer, but why not just try to get closer and see if it helps?" says Walsh. "Get the toddler or the dog out of the bed and try snuggling for at least a few minutes."
Limit technology
"If you haven't put your family and your relationship on a technology diet yet, this is the year to do it," says Walsh. "Nothing is killing communication faster right now than guys starting at their iPhones while girls are trying to talk to them at the dinner table, or vice versa." Science supports her claim, too: In a 2014 Brigham Young University survey of heterosexual women, 70% felt that smartphones and other devices were interfering with their love lives.Walsh recommends forming an agreement with your partner to cut out phones and television at mealtimes and in the bedroom, or deciding together about specific times you will and will not use technology. "Otherwise, you won't give each other your full attention, and it's easy to become annoyed or feel disconnected."
